OTTAWA — Following criticism of his resolution to oust Jody Wilson-Raybould from the Liberal caucus within the fallout of the SNC-Lavalin affair, Prime Minister Trudeau has replied that he at all times assumed his career-ending scandal could be “like, 100 occasions hotter”.
“I imply, for starters, simply have a look at me,” defined the beleaguered PM, as he averted questions on his involvement within the ongoing procedural scandal. “You’d assume that any wrongdoing I’d ever be concerned in would mechanically be a intercourse factor. In spite of everything, I’m simply essentially the most fuckable head of state within the G20.”
Trudeau continued, “However for somebody as good-looking as me to be taken down by some ‘deferred prosecution settlement’ nonsense? I didn’t see that coming.”
Going through polls that present the Liberals barely tied for first place with Andrew Scheer’s Conservatives, a number of pundits have echoed Trudeau’s opinions in regards to the sorts of scandals that they had at all times pictured for him. “I at all times knew Justin would get taken down by a scandal eventually,” mentioned Andrew Coyne, on the CBC At Challenge Panel. “I’d simply imagined one thing with like a secret late evening rendezvous, and undoubtedly some sizzling foreplay on prime of the Prime Minister’s desk.”
“On the very least, I pictured a blowjob,” Prime Minister Trudeau himself mused.
As he faces a looming electoral loss because of the SNC scandal (“Which I dare anybody to really clarify to me with a straight face,” Trudeau challenged) the present PM is planning to profit from the time he has left.
“Simply because this dirt-boring SNC factor has taken me down, doesn’t imply I gained’t exit the way in which I’d at all times envisioned,” Trudeau exclaimed. “From now till the tip of the election, I’m going to be balls-deep up right here on Parliament Hill. Simply 24-7 sucking and fucking – girls, males, and whoever’s DTF – the way in which I’d at all times needed to exit.”
Trudeau then regarded up at a close-by portrait of Pierre Elliott Trudeau, and whispered “I’m gonna make you proud, dad.”
justin trudeau, ottawa, Pierre Elliott Trudeau, scandal, SNC-Lavalin