KHOST, Afghanistan — A U.S. Military ahead observer’s bracket is “completely screwed” after solely the primary spherical, sources confirmed right this moment.
Bracketing is a standard follow amongst informal observers and virtually completely happens within the post-winter months after the hangover of soccer season dissipates and the snow recedes. This era is usually known as “March Insanity” or the “preventing season.”
Sgt. Andrew Shelbet hoped to win fame, glory, and $110 along with his bracket, however he knew it was a misplaced trigger after the primary spherical.
“I attempted to regulate fireplace on a bunch of Taliban within the open, however the first spherical went means over my head, then over the enemy, after which over a goddamn ridgeline,” stated Shelbet. “It was completely fucked. I couldn’t even naked the affect of the second spherical.”
Shelbet tried to cover his embarrassment by claiming to be a disinterested observer.
“Look, I solely do like one bracket a yr, and I don’t even trouble with the remainder of the season. A lot of the yr, I’m completely devoted to my fantasy soccer workforce, the Massive Dick Fisters,” he stated.
In the meantime, rumors are swirling that Military Employees Sgt. Zeke “Lion” Williamson, presently deployed with the 82nd Airborne in Helmand province, has maintained an ideal bracket throughout this yr’s March Insanity.
Curiously, the NCAA and Vegas insiders have expressed curiosity in Williamson and his bracket.
“They contacted me asking for proof of my excellent bracket, so I despatched them the drone footage,” stated Williamson. “It was fucking sick. Two rounds of adjusting fireplace, then fireplace for impact, motherfuckers! Guts went flying all over the place. I estimated a minimum of 12 enemy KIA. Good bracket.”
Williamson now faces UCMJ motion for releasing the footage, however maintains it was “completely price it to provide the world an ideal bracket.”
Shelbet, then again, has been disinvited from his unit’s 2020 bracket pool.