SCHAUMBURG, IL – Throwing away the previous blueprint of merely accepting the blame, Anesthesia has opened up a model new playbook and goes all out on the offensive, blaming each else in medication.
“F**Ok THIS SH*T AND F**Ok ALL Y’ALL!!!” the American Society of Anesthesiologists (ASA) boldly introduced in an announcement focused in any respect well being care professionals not of their area of Anesthesia. “Hear us loud and clear: Anesthesia formally blames each subspecialty in medication. SUCK IT.”
“Woah, large phrases from a area who takes pleasure in hiding behind drapes,” mentioned unimpressed orthopedic surgeon Brock Hammersley, who admits he does admire anybody who can use large phrases. “Anesthesia is a area constructed on blame, it’s their basis, their skeleton. With out blame, they don’t have anything. This’ll blow over, don’t fear.”
The mid-section of the ASA assertion is an impressively lengthy litany of blame assigned to others:
Anesthesia blames Allergy & Immunology. Anesthesia blames Dermatology. Anesthesia blames Radiology. Anesthesia blames Emergency Medication. Anesthesia blames Inside Medication. Anesthesia blames each Inside Medication subspecialty. Anesthesia blames Household Medication. Anesthesia blames Common Surgical procedure, Orthopedic Surgical procedure, Trauma Surgical procedure, Plastic Surgical procedure, and Urology. Anesthesia blames Neurology and Neurosurgery. Anesthesia blames Pediatrics. Anesthesia blames OB/GYN. Anesthesia blames Ophthalmology and “all their Hs.” Anesthesia blames EMTs and ENTs. Anesthesia blames RNs, NPs, and PAs. Anesthesia blames PT, OT, the cafeteria, the volunteers, palliative care, even pastoral care. Anesthesia blames the solar, the moon, the celebs, and the heavens. Anesthesia blames the New England Journal and the New England Patriots. Anesthesia blames oxygen. Anesthesia blames airways.
The listing goes on and on for 34 pages and eventually ends with the assertion:
Lastly, to those that we have now not talked about, WE BLAME YOU F**KERS TOO.
Like their orthopedic colleagues, different specialties will not be taking Anesthesia’s outbursts too significantly. “It’s simply Anesthesia, don’t be scared,” mentioned one well being care skilled. “They’re most likely simply bitter from sudoku withdrawal or one thing like that.”